Through frequent conversation with a man whose vision is so deep, I was able to write his story... a very astounding journey of life. Let's again try to take a glimpse so as to taste such sweet sensations of human's spirituality:
Chapter III Judgement
“Calling all the leaders all over the world… this man is to be judged” was the sound I heard ringing in pain almost to explode my brain. It was a great fearful day and everybody was present and all were watching to secrets recesses of my previous deeds. It was extremely shameful and made me perspire extremely for apparently to everyone I was a good pious Muslim of excellent deeds, silent nature but in secrecy shameful deeds have been committed which were then exposed by this Great Judge whose words silenced everyone.
The judgment pronounced to me was hypocrisy. And according to the great judge there were no Saddam Hussein whom I thought to be a hypocrite, no Iran nor Iraq which falsely concerned me (because in those days the Persian Gulf war was at its height) but were only nature telling me that something has been wrong in my inner world. The world appeared to be outside is actually my heart, my mind or I. I should have centered and busied myself with my personal affairs as the world, which appeared to be in chaos, people to be unreligious and groups to be in war were actually me to be so. It was actually my inner world which was in trouble. I was in great mistakes judging and disdaining others because those impulses against other were already messages that I was actually what I thought others to be. It was not Saddam Hussein to be neither hypocrite nor my friends to be untrustworthy, others to be irreligious but it was I. In truth, they were delivering signs, or they themselves were signs or ayat which I did not understand. The truth has always been communicating through every phenomenon I encounter, which was supposed to rectify every thought. The world that I thought real was actually not but illusive dream or my mere fantastic imagination. I was just fooled by my own judgment affected by the influence of dogmatic formal religion.
The fantastic world has always remained beautiful had I maintained my ignorance, cheerful disposition to everyone. Without any thought of pretensions, everything should have never become unbeautiful to me. But continuous shining of brilliance and effulgence was hidden from my sight because I have corrupted my being. Worldly problems and difficulties were only result of this self-corruption. No prayer, nor fasting nor any act of religiosity can compensate for evil thinking of the ignorant world around me. It was a great mistake and my regrets were now useless. How I wish to be back again and rectify the mistakes?
I was thrown up and down the hell and turn into a seven-headed dragon but the shouts and dances of people of paradise were never unheard by me. As everyone was happy, only I shall suffer to eternity.
To my parents giving me care, I was in high fever and in great delirium. The doctor diagnosed, it was Malaria.
But it was never a Divine joke. My uncle, an Imam, expert in looking at signs of the dying, observed my nose to be more aquiline, a sign that I was actually dying.
There were times when my 7 days were personified to be 7 arms of a turtle and 3 to 4 were chainlike pulled to close. There were only few remaining. The living and the dead were already watching and waiting for the arrow to be thrown directly at the center of my being by the best archer.
What was very painful and regretful was when I saw the prophet, his headdress only visible, was breathlessly reading a prayer of seven opening verses of the qur-an, heard by all creatures who was even then in great fear, for the prophet was angry ready to evacuate the Kaaba, with all his descendants for I was such a transgressor to a holy precinct. I saw a young Imam Husain, his headdress burned by the fire of hell due to his task of saving some people from the hellfire.
Those who were living were aboard a big white vessel which was up to that moment embarking every being for safety, likened to the Noah’s ark. My present wife, who was then a young lady of many suitors, was in the cabin, with her baby boy crying. I was outside the big vessel, which was traveling in space of eternity.
If I were a motorcycle, in those times, I run short of gas. My tank was dried and empty. But true are prayers and soothing hands of love ones. I saw bluish radiation coming from the right hand of my cousin, Lahu, who was offering me everything he knew if only to gain me back. The light that spread out into my entire body seems to give me some sort of hope.
But if prayers are such strong which can even bring a dying man back to vitality, like Isa (Jesus) Almaseih, it was my Dad’s prayer asking God, Please never allow my son to die ahead of me, let me do it first. And talking to me; “Son, do not die now. Marry a woman of your wish if you only live. Giving you formal education is not obligatory but marriage.”
I never heard any words from them for my senses were far away from my body. Not until I felt somebody panting her breath was catching and running after me. If she was faster than rocket I was faster than light. I only came into a halt when to my dismay, the one who was following me, panting and catching her breath was my poor mother. Out of mercy to a suffering mother I stop, and my senses came to their attention. They gave me a green cool sprite. Thanks, I was still living.
Like the soothing hands of Jesus, their prayers and wishes were seemingly answered that at dawn I felt descending from high heaven to attend my wedding day. My senses synchronize with the dawn, when it appeared bright so was me as if, I have just awakened from a sound sleep or have returned from a long adventurous travel. Vitality was full because the smell of marriage and a woman is reachable. The world became new to me like the first morning of Adam.
My mother and Dad then asked me whom shall I marry. I enumerated and selected from among nine whom to share this second chance and while thinking over the nice beautiful thought of marriage a vision came to appear.
...to be continued...
Monday, January 21, 2008
"Take off"
Through frequent conversation with a man whose vision is so deep, I was able to write his story... a very astounding journey of life. Let's again try to take a glimpse so as to taste such sweet sensations of human's spirituality:
Chapter II "Take Off"
The first take off I experienced happened in September 1984, when I was brought home from Marawi due to signs of psychological breakdown. My mother got me one who learn the art of “mind”, one who is said to travel mentally while his body lies on bed, delivering whatever he sees in that travel. While they were jokingly happy inquiring on the “mind”, I felt a sudden pain, in my head that I almost could not grasp my breath. They then shifted their serious attention to me. Healers in the community were called.
It was the time when as if I felt my spirit started disembodying from my physical body. It started undressing off from my feet to my knee, then to my navel. In the navel, it stayed long as everybody were asking me to regain consciousness. Their faces appeared long and ugly to me. Their hands and body appeared combined with my body which added to my torture. I became like a big octopus, they were my tentacles but with individual heads and faces, looking badly at me. It was such a demonic and diabolic experience.
I didn’t know how did the torture stop but I only learned in the morning, the best healer slept in the house. But during the whole night, I felt that I was actually dead, body waiting for funeral ceremonies, spirit outside the body. It lasted for few days. When I happen to stand and walk, I felt I was like a living dead, zombie without any sign of active living. I tried hard to regain my consciousness, to help my father in his Sari-sari store but I could hardly add simple numerals. It seemed that I lost my memory and logic.
The second take off was in one of my auntie’s house, in Jolo on December 1986. To me, I was actually dying. I bade my goodbye to her; ”magsabar kitaniyu”, which means, “be patient to accept that I’ll die this early being unable to fulfill your dreams for me”. Then I supposed to breath my lasts. But soul is such immortal that I found myself to be suspended between sleep and wakefulness. I could sense my auntie confused on what to do for me, but I could not just open my eyes. Was I in comma? In trans? But certainly I was traveling very fast. She was alone in the house and no matter what she did to awaken me, I just maintain my breath…there’s no God, inhale, and exhale… but God.
I heard beautiful songs whose lyrics narrate about a departing soul, which sounded very sentimental. I pleaded deep within that if it were my time then let me accept it now anyway long life will bring me no further goodness.
But my auntie never granted me her goodbye. Whatever it took her I have to be awakened if I was just asleep or just unconscious. To my fortune, a Datu with some know-how of awaking as I had was just a house-apart. He was asked to come and perform some prayers and rituals. After some minutes, I came to see in my vision, his hands appearing in black shadow in the rays of bright light, waving me to come back. I refused for I love to die or at least to travel if it were a travel.
But the healer was so effective that before I finally come to my sense he has gone. I cried and shouted why has they awakened me to start ABC again? This world appeared to be dirty of obnoxious odor. Nevertheless, I was back to half senses whose night became sleepless. My senses were wandering far away from my body. I was then brought to the hospital and experiences heightened.
Chapter II "Take Off"
The first take off I experienced happened in September 1984, when I was brought home from Marawi due to signs of psychological breakdown. My mother got me one who learn the art of “mind”, one who is said to travel mentally while his body lies on bed, delivering whatever he sees in that travel. While they were jokingly happy inquiring on the “mind”, I felt a sudden pain, in my head that I almost could not grasp my breath. They then shifted their serious attention to me. Healers in the community were called.
It was the time when as if I felt my spirit started disembodying from my physical body. It started undressing off from my feet to my knee, then to my navel. In the navel, it stayed long as everybody were asking me to regain consciousness. Their faces appeared long and ugly to me. Their hands and body appeared combined with my body which added to my torture. I became like a big octopus, they were my tentacles but with individual heads and faces, looking badly at me. It was such a demonic and diabolic experience.
I didn’t know how did the torture stop but I only learned in the morning, the best healer slept in the house. But during the whole night, I felt that I was actually dead, body waiting for funeral ceremonies, spirit outside the body. It lasted for few days. When I happen to stand and walk, I felt I was like a living dead, zombie without any sign of active living. I tried hard to regain my consciousness, to help my father in his Sari-sari store but I could hardly add simple numerals. It seemed that I lost my memory and logic.
The second take off was in one of my auntie’s house, in Jolo on December 1986. To me, I was actually dying. I bade my goodbye to her; ”magsabar kitaniyu”, which means, “be patient to accept that I’ll die this early being unable to fulfill your dreams for me”. Then I supposed to breath my lasts. But soul is such immortal that I found myself to be suspended between sleep and wakefulness. I could sense my auntie confused on what to do for me, but I could not just open my eyes. Was I in comma? In trans? But certainly I was traveling very fast. She was alone in the house and no matter what she did to awaken me, I just maintain my breath…there’s no God, inhale, and exhale… but God.
I heard beautiful songs whose lyrics narrate about a departing soul, which sounded very sentimental. I pleaded deep within that if it were my time then let me accept it now anyway long life will bring me no further goodness.
But my auntie never granted me her goodbye. Whatever it took her I have to be awakened if I was just asleep or just unconscious. To my fortune, a Datu with some know-how of awaking as I had was just a house-apart. He was asked to come and perform some prayers and rituals. After some minutes, I came to see in my vision, his hands appearing in black shadow in the rays of bright light, waving me to come back. I refused for I love to die or at least to travel if it were a travel.
But the healer was so effective that before I finally come to my sense he has gone. I cried and shouted why has they awakened me to start ABC again? This world appeared to be dirty of obnoxious odor. Nevertheless, I was back to half senses whose night became sleepless. My senses were wandering far away from my body. I was then brought to the hospital and experiences heightened.
"The Beginning"
Through frequent conversation with a man whose vision is so deep, I was able to write his story... a very astounding journey of life. Let's try to take a glimpse so as to taste such sweet sensations of human's spirituality:
Chapter I The Beginning
“At the beginning I was nothing… but in that nothingness there was I”, was the mystical phrase I uttered during my madness in December 1988, three months before my Graduation from WMSU. It is divided into two parts: First voluntarily uttered but the second was the involuntary response from within, by the inner unknown world to my surprise and astonishment then, which during those days I was a young man of cognizant religiosity who was taught that no man except prophets can penetrate into the world and realm of Divinity.
At that very moment I seem not to control myself because in me was a King who kept on asking whether I can afford to look at Him, at His countenance or Face. Because of excessive fear I became restless, mad. I was afraid of me…afraid to look into this face.
The confrontation was done in front of a mirror, which was situated breast-height. I was extremely afraid to bend and stare at my face because at that moment it was not me but King of Kings, whose wrath was ready on hand. I felt helpless because who am I to petition Him to calm down… in me was a surrender asking, “Please, I didn’t mean to anger you”. I was mad in the judgment of the world around me. But I was not just myself.
Out of love for a sick son, my parents did not stop but to find ways on how to regain me back. They brought me to a muslim priest who is known to give remedy to my malady. He offered me prayers. It appeared to me that we were suspended in space away from this earth. As we went home, from that ritual, I felt that I was descending from above through the center of the Ka’ba which after a moment I was just at its perimeter. My vision then seems to enlarge for me and the space contracted, that the holy Ka’ba is just a wall ahead from where I sit. I saw all the little domes surrounding the Holy Ka’ba. As the jeepney accelerate bringing us back home, I felt confused of my inner state and said, “God, I am confused. Sects of Islam are so various with different beliefs and perspective…” I saw at that moment that a saint plays in between us and God, delivering my prayer, as if an interpreter was needed. The answer was directly given, also through that saint. As if God answered, “there’s actually no problem for as long one believe in the oneness of God. Your weapon against all adversaries are just words of God written in the holy book.”
Communication continued. It was just talking to somebody, giving out all complains with a direct comfort and assurances, that after that conversation I felt all the confidence that should there be any Christian or any Jews willing to confront a battle with me so be it. There was actually none because to every ordinary consciousness I was just out of my sanity. But the one who took to confront with me was my cousin who played as my opponent. Though it was ordinary to him, in my vision, I was in a big rocket ship, or the rocket ship was me bombarding all the opponent to distraction but like the turn of a circle no one was defeated. Like a playful child, I enjoyed the fight, because it was an entire all out war, underwater and space, where I knows no death nor pain but pleasure, comfort and ecstasy. My entire head and hands became like the hardest of the stone, at least to my reckoning, that I hit it against the hard wall and post of the house. Everybody was looking to me and my madness. After the no-winner-no-losser war, as if I was thrown into the deep cosmic ocean towards nowhere, until suddenly I was coming into the direction of the sun. I feared its burning hotness. But since it was not a travel of the body only the mind and the senses, I just enjoyed the velocity until I was backed into deep blue seawater. I can’t explain what ecstasy it brings you looking into the deep blue see passing so fast broken in your eyes without any pain except the anxiety where will this end. From the deep blue I was brought into the deep-dark, then blue again, green, shallow, then the white sand, then into the ceiling of the house of Apu’ Datu Unding. I saw all the contents of his house. Then I was back into my senses. I asked for a cold water to appease me the thirst of that travel. I felt that I was just a new arrival a newly wed couple.
This chapter of my life became bad dream of my mundane existence… at least in some moments of my younger days for I can’t look straight into the eyes of normal people because I am a man with some kind of an abnormality.
I decided to share these experiences into the world for I found it meaningful to let others reflect on the different vibrations that spiritual realm is giving. Among its rays of infinity I am just but negligibly one. At first, I was hesitant thinking over that it would bring no good but on the other hand I wish to let the outer world witness and the truth will shine anyway, no matter what. Jaa-al haq wa jahaqal batil so goes the qur-an. Falsehood’s essence is perishable.
Inspired by circumstances, I found writing a form of life which itself is minutely expressing what is kept in the unfathomable world of secrecy. For no amount how mystics, of the past, present and future seems and will seem to reveal their secrets, experiences and tastes, the treasure never ceases from its clandestine purity. What has been still is. Everyone is reserved a special place as a testament of God’s boundless bliss. No matter what wave I will create on this ocean of truth, truth will still be calm, silent and undisturbed but unavoidably effulgent.
It was only in 1994 when I began to be confused of my religiosity particularly my comprehension about how God is. In the Muslim world views are divided. I was not aware then. But thanks to doubt and confusion, which initiated me into, further serious inquiry.
The spiritual adventures I have had were not devoid of pains, inner tortures with some tastes of unexplainable pleasure. I am in fear to reencounter some but in greater hope to retaste of others.
I experienced punishment, shame and deep regrets and in those moments I was seeking for the reward of my prayers, fasting, Qur-an-reading and other deeds. But to my dismay they were judged against me. I was to be doomed for despite those outward good deeds; they were never founded on true faith. Men and others whom I thought to be unreligious were better off than me witnessing my very doom. What a big mistake? These spiritual tortures kept me stare, restless and sleepless. I was even fettered to prevent me from walking to and fro as how a madman does.
Sometimes, aside and relieve from the torture of judgment I find my senses wandering in space amidst the sound of a noisy nights in forests, sometimes along the seashore or in space. Astral travel is not an illusion of those travelers, but to me in those beginnings they were uncontrollable...
Chapter I The Beginning
“At the beginning I was nothing… but in that nothingness there was I”, was the mystical phrase I uttered during my madness in December 1988, three months before my Graduation from WMSU. It is divided into two parts: First voluntarily uttered but the second was the involuntary response from within, by the inner unknown world to my surprise and astonishment then, which during those days I was a young man of cognizant religiosity who was taught that no man except prophets can penetrate into the world and realm of Divinity.
At that very moment I seem not to control myself because in me was a King who kept on asking whether I can afford to look at Him, at His countenance or Face. Because of excessive fear I became restless, mad. I was afraid of me…afraid to look into this face.
The confrontation was done in front of a mirror, which was situated breast-height. I was extremely afraid to bend and stare at my face because at that moment it was not me but King of Kings, whose wrath was ready on hand. I felt helpless because who am I to petition Him to calm down… in me was a surrender asking, “Please, I didn’t mean to anger you”. I was mad in the judgment of the world around me. But I was not just myself.
Out of love for a sick son, my parents did not stop but to find ways on how to regain me back. They brought me to a muslim priest who is known to give remedy to my malady. He offered me prayers. It appeared to me that we were suspended in space away from this earth. As we went home, from that ritual, I felt that I was descending from above through the center of the Ka’ba which after a moment I was just at its perimeter. My vision then seems to enlarge for me and the space contracted, that the holy Ka’ba is just a wall ahead from where I sit. I saw all the little domes surrounding the Holy Ka’ba. As the jeepney accelerate bringing us back home, I felt confused of my inner state and said, “God, I am confused. Sects of Islam are so various with different beliefs and perspective…” I saw at that moment that a saint plays in between us and God, delivering my prayer, as if an interpreter was needed. The answer was directly given, also through that saint. As if God answered, “there’s actually no problem for as long one believe in the oneness of God. Your weapon against all adversaries are just words of God written in the holy book.”
Communication continued. It was just talking to somebody, giving out all complains with a direct comfort and assurances, that after that conversation I felt all the confidence that should there be any Christian or any Jews willing to confront a battle with me so be it. There was actually none because to every ordinary consciousness I was just out of my sanity. But the one who took to confront with me was my cousin who played as my opponent. Though it was ordinary to him, in my vision, I was in a big rocket ship, or the rocket ship was me bombarding all the opponent to distraction but like the turn of a circle no one was defeated. Like a playful child, I enjoyed the fight, because it was an entire all out war, underwater and space, where I knows no death nor pain but pleasure, comfort and ecstasy. My entire head and hands became like the hardest of the stone, at least to my reckoning, that I hit it against the hard wall and post of the house. Everybody was looking to me and my madness. After the no-winner-no-losser war, as if I was thrown into the deep cosmic ocean towards nowhere, until suddenly I was coming into the direction of the sun. I feared its burning hotness. But since it was not a travel of the body only the mind and the senses, I just enjoyed the velocity until I was backed into deep blue seawater. I can’t explain what ecstasy it brings you looking into the deep blue see passing so fast broken in your eyes without any pain except the anxiety where will this end. From the deep blue I was brought into the deep-dark, then blue again, green, shallow, then the white sand, then into the ceiling of the house of Apu’ Datu Unding. I saw all the contents of his house. Then I was back into my senses. I asked for a cold water to appease me the thirst of that travel. I felt that I was just a new arrival a newly wed couple.
This chapter of my life became bad dream of my mundane existence… at least in some moments of my younger days for I can’t look straight into the eyes of normal people because I am a man with some kind of an abnormality.
I decided to share these experiences into the world for I found it meaningful to let others reflect on the different vibrations that spiritual realm is giving. Among its rays of infinity I am just but negligibly one. At first, I was hesitant thinking over that it would bring no good but on the other hand I wish to let the outer world witness and the truth will shine anyway, no matter what. Jaa-al haq wa jahaqal batil so goes the qur-an. Falsehood’s essence is perishable.
Inspired by circumstances, I found writing a form of life which itself is minutely expressing what is kept in the unfathomable world of secrecy. For no amount how mystics, of the past, present and future seems and will seem to reveal their secrets, experiences and tastes, the treasure never ceases from its clandestine purity. What has been still is. Everyone is reserved a special place as a testament of God’s boundless bliss. No matter what wave I will create on this ocean of truth, truth will still be calm, silent and undisturbed but unavoidably effulgent.
It was only in 1994 when I began to be confused of my religiosity particularly my comprehension about how God is. In the Muslim world views are divided. I was not aware then. But thanks to doubt and confusion, which initiated me into, further serious inquiry.
The spiritual adventures I have had were not devoid of pains, inner tortures with some tastes of unexplainable pleasure. I am in fear to reencounter some but in greater hope to retaste of others.
I experienced punishment, shame and deep regrets and in those moments I was seeking for the reward of my prayers, fasting, Qur-an-reading and other deeds. But to my dismay they were judged against me. I was to be doomed for despite those outward good deeds; they were never founded on true faith. Men and others whom I thought to be unreligious were better off than me witnessing my very doom. What a big mistake? These spiritual tortures kept me stare, restless and sleepless. I was even fettered to prevent me from walking to and fro as how a madman does.
Sometimes, aside and relieve from the torture of judgment I find my senses wandering in space amidst the sound of a noisy nights in forests, sometimes along the seashore or in space. Astral travel is not an illusion of those travelers, but to me in those beginnings they were uncontrollable...
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